So, you’re sitting there, watching a football game or maybe an old episode of Fox NFL Sunday, and you see Howie Long. The guy looks like he was carved from granite by a slightly amused sculptor. And the question pops into your head: How old is this ageless wonder, really? Is he a vampire who sustains himself on quarterback sacks and Gatorade? Let’s crack this mystery wide open.
The Official Number (Which Feels Like a Lie)
Buckle up, because the truth is almost offensive in its simplicity. Howie Long was born on January 6, 1960. Do the math. That makes him over sixty-five years old as of this writing. Yes, a man who once terrorized John Elway is now eligible for senior discounts at Denny's.
Let that sink in. He is older than a lot of retired dads playing golf. He’s old enough to be the grandfather of half the current NFL roster. But look at him. He still looks like he could bench press a Smart Car without spilling his morning coffee.
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The Secret Sauce: Stubbornness and Leather Helmets
How did a guy from the 1980s keep his head from deflating? Well, Howie’s game wasn’t about fancy yoga or vegan diets. He played for the Los Angeles Raiders, a team run by a guy named Al Davis who probably thought “hydration” was a type of car engine. Howie’s secret? Pure, unadulterated stubbornness.
He once said he didn't get hurt because he was too mad to feel pain. That’s not a quote. I made that up. But it sounds true. When you’re a defensive end built like a concrete dumpster, you don’t age—you just get more seasoned, like a haunted piece of firewood.
Fun fact: He played his entire 13-year career for the Raiders. That’s like being married to the same chaotic, pirate-themed franchise for over a decade. He didn’t retire because he got old. He retired because the NFL ran out of quarterbacks to chase.
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Most athletes fade away. They get soft, they get a podcast, they start selling reverse mortgages. Not Howie. He waltzed right into a TV studio. For decades, he’s been sitting next to Terry Bradshaw, who is also old enough to have carved the first stone tablets of football rules.
Howie Long Football Player
But here’s the twist: Howie makes being old look cool. While other retired players complain about their knees, Howie just sits there, looking like he’s about to jump through the TV screen if someone mentions a weak pass rush. He’s the guy at the family reunion who still wins the tug-of-war against his nephews.
And let’s talk about his hair. Howie Long has had the same haircut since 1984. It is a hairstyle that says, “I don’t recognize the passage of time.” It is a helmet of hair, defying gravity and logic. It’s the Biological Equivalent of a Concrete Bunker.
The Matthew McConaughey of Football
Think about it. He’s got that same “alright, alright, alright” energy, except instead of driving a Lincoln, he’s driving a 1987 pickup truck made of pure muscle. He’s the guy who could fix your leaky faucet with his bare hands and then explain a defensive blitz without sweating.
People ask, “How old is Howie Long?” The only correct answer is: Old enough to know better, but too tough to care. He’s a fossil from a time when players drank beer at halftime and smoked cigarettes in the huddle (just kidding… mostly). He’s a living, breathing piece of football history that refuses to become a museum exhibit.
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The Math Doesn’t Add Up
Let’s do real quick mental gymnastics. If Howie Long is sixty-five, that means he was sacking quarterbacks when music was played on vinyl and phones were attached to walls. He was a Pro Bowler when Dirty Dancing was in theaters. He retired before the internet was a thing people used to argue about pizza toppings.
Yet, today, he could probably suit up for the Raiders and do a better job than half their defensive line. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But only a small one. He looks like he buys his suits from a store called “Armor Plated & Sons.”
The Final Verdict (With a Side of Comedy)
So, how old is Howie Long? He is precisely one hundred and seventeen years old in football years, but only thirty-seven in “cool dude” years. He has defeated aging the same way he defeated offensive linemen: by being immovable and extremely loud.
The real surprise? He has a son who is also a famous football player, Chris Long. Chris retired a few years ago looking like a normal, tired human. Howie looks at his son and says, “You’re retired? Rookie.” It’s the only case in history where the dad looks younger than his kid.
In conclusion: If you see a picture of Howie Long, don’t ask his age. Just nod respectfully and hope he doesn’t throw a football through your windshield. He’s old. He’s timeless. He’s Howie. And he’s probably still doing push-ups in a parking lot somewhere right now, laughing at the concept of “glucosamine.”