Let’s get one thing straight: I am not a real estate agent for retired politicians, nor do I have a drone buzzing over Florida’s gated communities. But you have asked a question that has apparently kept you up at night, clutching a map of Florida and a biography of Newt Gingrich. Does Newt Gingrich live in Naples, Florida?

The short, slightly disappointing answer is: No, Newt Gingrich does not currently live in Naples, Florida. I know, it feels like a missed opportunity for a really good tabloid headline, like “Gingrich Battles Alligators Over Golf Carts in Naples.” But the man has chosen a different slice of paradise.

Where Does the Newt Actually Roam?

As of the latest public records and his own social media posts (which are surprisingly frequent for a man who seems to live in a time capsule of the 1990s), Newt Gingrich resides in McLean, Virginia. That’s right, a suburb of Washington, D.C. He’s still lurking near the swamp, not sunning himself in it.

But wait—don’t close your browser tab yet. I said “currently,” because the man has a history of real estate moves that would make a billionaire’s divorce attorney blush. He has owned homes in Georgia, D.C., and yes, even Florida. But Naples? That’s like saying a cat lives in the fridge. It’s possible, but you’d have to open the door to be sure.

The Naples Fantasy vs. The McLean Reality

Picture this: Naples, Florida. It’s the land of pastel-colored pants, 5:00 PM dinner reservations, and a Republican retirement party that never ends. It’s basically a Jurassic Park for elderly political pundits. It would be the perfect habitat for Gingrich—warm weather, plenty of wealthy people to argue with about tax policy, and all the shrimp cocktail he could eat.

Instead, he lives in McLean. Which is like the waiting room for the retirement community. It’s where you go when you still want to be ten minutes from the Capitol rotunda, just in case someone needs a quote about the fall of the Roman Empire.

Surprising fact: Gingrich was a history professor before he was Speaker of the House. He once taught a course on “The Future of the American Dream” at a community college. Imagine grading papers while simultaneously trying to shut down the government. That’s multitasking.

Newt Gingrich benefits from Herman Cain’s troubles – but won’t publiclyNewt Gingrich benefits from Herman Cain’s troubles – but won’t publicly

The Real Estate Shuffle

Let’s trace the breadcrumbs. In 2018, Newt and his wife Callista sold a home in the Bethesda, Maryland area for a tidy sum. Then, they bought a condo in a Virginia high-rise. But—and here’s the zinger—they also own a home in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. That’s about 120 miles north of Naples. It’s like saying you live in New York City but you actually live in Poughkeepsie.

Palm Beach Gardens is where the other tropical political dinosaurs hang out. Donald Trump has his Mar-a-Lago there. So Newt is close enough to the action to smell the spray tan, but far enough away to avoid paying the dinner bill.

So why Naples? Because Naples is the Mona Lisa of Florida retirement towns. It’s famous. It’s exclusive. It’s where people go when they want to be interviewed by Fox News while wearing a monogrammed polo shirt. Gingrich visiting Naples is like a shark attending a convention for lifeguards—possible, but everyone’s nervous.

The Internet’s Favorite Misunderstanding

I blame the internet. Every time a politician sneezes in Florida, a real estate rumor spreads faster than a Florida wildfire. There is a persistent, delightful myth that Newt Gingrich has a secret condo in Naples where he writes conspiracy theories and feeds pigeons. It’s not true. But it should be true. It’s too perfect.

Gingrich Eager to Be More Than an Anti-Romney - The New York TimesGingrich Eager to Be More Than an Anti-Romney - The New York Times

If he did live in Naples, he’d probably drive a white Lexus with a novelty license plate that reads “CONTRACT.” He’d spend his mornings arguing with the HOA about the color of his front door (he’d want “Colonial Red,” they’d say “Sand Dune Beige”). And at night, he’d host “History Hour” at the local country club, where he’d explain why the Peloponnesian War was actually about budget reconciliations.

Why This Matters (Or Doesn’t)

You might be thinking, “Who cares where Newt Gingrich sleeps?” And you’re right. It’s a bit like asking if a ghost lives in your attic. It’s spooky, but it doesn’t affect your mortgage. But here’s the thing: Gingrich’s residence matters because he’s still a political commentator. He appears on TV, writes books, and occasionally scares a centrist. If he were in Naples, he’d be a hermit crab in a fancy shell. But he’s in McLean, still crawling toward the microphone.

Surprising fact #2: Newt Gingrich has written more than 20 books. That’s more than most people have read. One of them is called “Winning the Future.” I checked, and it does not include a chapter on “How to convincingly pretend you live in Naples, Florida.”

So, to wrap this up like a bad infomercial: No, Newt Gingrich does not live in Naples, Florida. But he lives in a world that is geographically close enough to cause rumors, and philosophically close enough to make you wonder. If you ever see a man in a white suit staring at a pelican while muttering about the Clinton administration, that’s not Newt. That’s just a tourist who lost his way to the buffet.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to check if anyone has started a similar rumor about me living in a yurt in Hawaii. The internet is a wild place.